Relationships and Fantasy
We love to help our clientele explore their deepest desires in safe and responsible ways. That’s one of the reasons why we believe in educating folks on their toys through holding sex classes.
But one of the things we want to talk about is when the fantasy becomes more pleasing than reality. What happens when your toys, your videos, and your computer become more important than the relationships in your life?
Pornography becomes an issue when it starts to affect the relationship. We’ve met several sex addicts that use porn to maintain their relationships, which can be troubling. They are only able to finish with porn.
Porn consumption is normal. But, like with anything, extremes are bad. When you are consuming porn to function normally, then you are relying on an external aid to fill a void. When you are consuming porn to function in a relationship, then you run the serious risk of hurting others unless you a) re-evaluate your relationship, or b) evaluate yourself and get your porn consumption under control.
With porn addicts, we’ve noticed several signs that can broadcast serious addiction:
- Evasive behavior — A part of them may be embarrassed, but they don’t quite know what to do with it, so they hide a lot from their spouse because of it and wind up hiding a lot of secrets.
- Extended bathroom times — for one particular sex addict we knew, it would not be uncommon for them to be in the bathroom for 2-3 hours at a time. This was porn consumption coupled with the shame and evasiveness that they exhibited.
- Calling in sick to work an abnormal amount — some sex addicts we’ve talked with say that porn started to replace work. There were times he would not go to work because he would be masturbating. This translated to calling in sick.
The most critical thing for you to do is not thinking that “boys will be boys.” When I discovered porn on a close family member’s computer, I brushed it off as something normal instead of having a conversation. I didn’t realize that he had a serious addiction, which he is currently seeking help for. If I hadn’t normalized his pornographic habits, then I might have been able to help him form a better outlook on relationships.
Retreat into fantasy every once in awhile. But, more than anything, make sure you’re spending the quality time you need with other people. Share your fantasy with them and make them part of your life.